Category: Christian jokes Page 1 of 2

Christian Jokes: What Kids Prayed For

On September 25, 2018

Today, I would like to share here something funny. We often hear a famous saying: “laughter is the best medicine.” True or not, I hope these clean jokes will brighten your day and end up smiling for the rest of the day, week or even months! Read on!

Dear God, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? – Norma

Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones you have now? – Jane

Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries? – Nan

Dear God, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? – Neil

Dear God, Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. – Joyce

Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway – Your friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear God, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. – Bruce

Dear God, If we come back as something, please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton, because I hate her. – Denise

Dear God, I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over. – Sam

Dear God, I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. – Ruth

Dear God, I think about you sometimes, even when I’m not praying. – Elliott

Dear God, I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it. – Nan

Dear God, Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best. – Rob

Dear God, My brother told me about being born, but it doesn’t sound right. They are just kidding, aren’t they? – Marsha

Dear God, If you watch me in church on Sunday, I’ll show you my new shoes. – Mickey

Dear God, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea. – Sincerely, Donna

Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are God already. – Charles

Dear God, I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool! – Eugene

Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. – Larry

Author Unknown

Interesting Resources:

Preacher Joke Book
Gospel Comedy All Stars 2: These Aint Your Mommas Church Jokes
Angels Laughing: The Very Best Spiritual and Religious Humor
The Big Book of Church Jokes

Church Signs: Funny, Engaging and Inspirational!

By Thor

On March 8, 2015

In Christian jokes, Featured, Headline

Okay, you are driving on your way to work, or to the supermarket, or to a party. On a corner, next to the stop lights, you see these Church signs. What will your reaction be? Laugh? Ponder? Smiling? Whatever it is, these signs are too clever and well-written! Watch this seven minute clip showing a variety of funny and inspirational messages uploaded by ProudToledoans on Youtube.

Credits: ProudToledoans

MORE FUNNY CHURCH SIGNS

These are available from the web, facebook, etc. If you own any of this and wants it removed, please contact us at christianlife2day@gmail.com. If you want to contribute your funny sign please email us your funny sign. Thanks and God bless.

“Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil. It has no point.”

“Get out of Facebook and get into My Book

“Grace isn’t little prayer you chant before a meal. Grace is a way to live.”

If these signs are not enough, read the Best Poem in the World!

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven’s door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp–

The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money! Twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, ‘What’s the deal?
Would love to hear Your take.
How’d all these sinners get up here?
God must’ve made a mistake.

‘And why’s everyone so quiet,
So somber – give me a clue.’
‘Hush, child,’ He said, ‘they’re all in shock.
No one thought they’d be seeing you.’

JUDGE NOT.

Remember…Just going to church doesn’t make you a Christian
Any more than…Standing in your garage makes you a car.
– Anonymous

“A cheerful heart is good medicine” (Prov. 17:22)

Christian Humor : You Can’t Outsmart a Little Girl

By Thor

On March 2, 2015

In Christian jokes, Featured, Headline

One Sunday afternoon a little girl was happily walking home from Kids Church reading her bible. When she arrived at her driveway, her grumpy neighbor noticed what the little girl was doing and asked roughly, “What are you reading, girl?”

The little girl replied gently, “My bible. The part where a man called Jonah got swallowed by a big fish and God saved him.”

At this, the neighbour snickered and scoffed, “The bible is a made-up book! How could a man survive in the stomach of a fish?”

The girl answered, “Well, when I’m in heaven, I’ll ask Jonah.”

The neighbour laughed more and arrogantly asked, “What if Jonah isn’t in heaven?”

The little girl thought long and hard about this question then replied quietly, “Then you can ask him.”

Photo credit: Crosscards

Author unknown

Source: from my mailbox

Christian Humor, funny, humor christian, anecdote

Clean Joke: A Clever Student Argues!

By Thor

On May 15, 2014

In Christian jokes, Featured, Headline

In one fine day at school a nearly upset teacher asked a sleepy student:

TEACHER: Why didn’t you study?

STUDENT: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we’re left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year; hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days; you’re left with 3 days in the year to study! Let’s say you only go out for 2 days…You’re left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday. That’s why I did not study.

Teacher: Class dismissed.

Source and author: Anonymous
Photo credit: Pinterest
Tags: clean joke, humor, funny jokes, teacher student jokes

Christian Humor: A $20 Dollar Bill and A $1 Dollar Bill

By Thor

On March 10, 2011

In Christian jokes, Featured

There was this $20 dollar bill and a $1 dollar bill on the conveyor belt at the downtown Federal Reserve Building. As they were laying there side by side the $1 dollar bill said to the $20 dollar bill, “Hey mannnnnn, where have you been. I haven’t seen you in a long time?”

The $20 dollar bill replied, “Man I have been having a ball!! I’ve been traveling to distant countries, going to the finest restaurants, to the biggest and best casinos, numerous boutiques, the mall uptown, the mall downtown, the mall across town and even a mall that I just newly built. In fact, just this week I’ve been to Europe, a professional NBA game, Rodeo Drive, the all day retreat spa, the top-notch hair salon and the new casino!! I have done it all!!!”

After describing his great travels, the $20 dollar bill asked the $1dollar bill, “What about you? Where have you been?”

The $1 dollar replied, “Well, I’ve been to the Baptist church, the Methodist church, the Presbyterian church, the Episcopalian church the Church of God in Christ, the Catholic church, the Mormon church, the church of the Latter Day Saints , the A.M.E. church, the Disciple of Christ church, the… “WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A M I N U T E !!”, shouted the $20 dollar bill to the $1 dollar bill. “What’s a church??”